I, Splotchy

I’ve been tagged by Brave Sir Robin, so here goes.

I, Splotchy: This Story Is A Virus :

Here’s what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don’t know how realistic it is, but that’s what I’m aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

MathMan has tagged me to add to the story, which reads….

I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

“That’s strange,” I said out loud to no one in particular. My fingers slowly reached towards the jar again. My body experienced a wave of apprehension as weighted blanket covering me as I did so. The jar was completely frozen.

I picked it up and stared at it, my fingers stung with little knives of chill. “What the…” again I spoke aloud. Then I realized what had happened with a shock. Suddenly the jar flew from my hand. It shattered creating a collage-like mixture of frozen applesauce and glass shards on my kitchen floor, the lid lazily rolling to a stop across the room. (FranIam)

I stood for a moment considering what all this meant. Oh, I knew what it meant, I didn’t need to waste time thinking about it. He was back. And he was mad.

I ran down the hallway and flung open the door at the end. I was immediately hit with a blast of cold. I took a step back as I tried to catch my breath. I bent over, hands on my knees panting. He always had this remarkable effect on me. After so much time, it no longer scared me, but it was a shock nonetheless……

“You know,” I panted, “There’s no need to break things to get my attention.” (DCup)

I woke up in the same position as in my dream, on my knees. I was sweating even though room was freezing. (mathman6293)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

The sound of the front porch floorboards creaking snapped me out of my reverie. I stood up, grabbed my shotgun and made sure a round was chambered, then quietly made my way into the front room and over to the window. As I peeked out past the closed curtains, my heart began to beat rapidly.

It can’t be, the incredulous thought came, I saw him die last year!
(Phydeaux)
There was no doubt it was him. I knew the minute he tried to meow and managed only a croak. I could feel him purring before he even reached my leg. As he started to rub against me I bent to pick him up but that’s as far as I got. I smelled her perfume. I didn’t see her and the scent was very faint, but a man doesn’t forget the smell of a woman like her. As my arms pulled Sylvester to my chest my eyes were closed. The smell of her was strong on him, and my mind carried me back to the last time I’d buried myself in that heady fragrance. “Sorry I took your cat”, she said.
(Brave Sir Robin)

For a minute, all I could do was stare at her gape-mouthed in the manner of a man seeing a ghost. Finally, I found my tongue.

“I’d invite you in for coffee, but everything is frozen”.

‘That’s all right” she said “I like it iced now”.

Over what can only be described as black coffee slushies, she told me the story of how she stole my cat and ran away to make her fortune as a curandera in the jungles of Bolivia. After nearly a year of sweltering heat and bugs, the only magic she had left was the cat’s ability to freeze things. She could no longer produce the raised eyebrow of doom or break ear drums with her sarcastic cackle. When I asked her why she returned, the story got even more convoluted.

” After being run out of Bolivia, I found work at a brothel in Buenos Aires. By the way, your cat learned a few new tricks there. I suggest never saying the words frozen chicken in Spanish to him, you may not like the results. At the brothel I met this tango dancing hamster named Ruby. She told me that the only way I could get my powers back was to…( Red Queen)

I tag Varkentine, cause I think he has the right kind of pervy mind to continue this. Brandann cause Varkentine “doesn’t do committee written stories”

More on the human tribe and apathy

Shakes has the horrific story of a 15 year old girl in Brazil who was thrown into a prison for men and gang raped for a month.

The standard response is “Why didn’t anyone do something”

I will say right here- none of us knows what we would have done in that situation. The statistics show that most of us would have ignored it. Even if we think we would have done something, the chances are that we wouldn’t have, and I am just as guilty despite my general concern and proggy tendencies.

So instead of lamenting the human condition and being outraged that nothing was done to help this girl, I want to know what do we do to change society so that helping is the standard response and ignoring the pain of others is the shameful response instead of the backwards way we have it now.

How poverty really works, and how sometimes the universe gives you presents

Three months ago, when I started classes, I stopped receiving food stamps. My income level is such that based on income alone, I am unequivocally eligible for the full amount of food stamps per month for 2 people.

But I had the gall, as a poor person, to get an education. And not just an education, but I was going for an academic degree. And people in academic programs are not eligible for food stamps.

If I had known my place and instead went for a technical certificate in something like medical assisting (a career where I would make less hourly than I do now) then I would have been eligible not only for food stamps but for a whole host of other programs.

With few exceptions*, technical and vocational programs do not lift people out of poverty permanently. They stave off poverty only as long as those skills are in high demand. And once the demand is met, those technical certificates are worth little.

So we have been without food stamps for three months. It is not a coincidence that those are the three moths I owe rent for. It was a choice. Feed the Kid or pay rent. That is the total of what my meager earning can provide. I chose feed the kid.

So now Christmas is looming along with an eviction. Payday isn’t until Friday and my bank account is overdrawn. The cupboards and fridge are near bare and last night I had the Kid eat a super loaded baked potato for dinner. The last potato, actually. He was mortified that I was skipping dinner and kept trying to give me his potato. If he had known that I skipped lunch too, I don’t think I could have gotten him to eat. After he went to bed, I had some celery and some chicken stock. I swear I’m not on some super restriction diet, though it sounds like it.

Today is the last day of class, and I filed for food stamps this morning. In a week or so, we can go to the grocery store and restock the cabinets (if there are cabinets to be stocked). In the mean time I just have to get through till Friday.

So I came into work today. On the last day of every quarter we have a big pot luck lunch, but I usually get here too late to get anything. The universe smiled on me today though, cause I have never seen such a spread in over four years here. I just loaded up a plate with turkey and potato salad and orzo salad with artichoke hearts and mashed potatoes and …….

I was planning on skipping lunch today too. I’m really glad I didn’t have to.

*Exception- the program I work for actually teaches skills that people can use to start their own business. They have high earing potential straight after graduation. This is a program that was originally designed for a very male dominated field, which might explain why the income potential is higher than that of other vocational programs. We have a large population of female students and a very gender friendly campus.

Horrible Admissions

I admitted to liking a certain super trashy pop song over at the Pink place last week, so I thought you all should get your own admissions here to.

I, super chef and dinner party thrower extraodinaire, have some really heinous guilty pleasures when it comes to food.

1) Spicy pork rinds. They tear up my mouth and make my eyes water. And I love them.

2) Tostitos queso dip. It’s velveta with hydrogenated pepper chunks in it. It’s basically melted plastic. But it’s really really good over chili cheese fritos.

3) Vienna Sausages. They are little salty meat sticks covered in an odd jelly slime. I eat these in the dark and make the Kid buy them so no one will see them in my possession .

Alright kids- I dished. I fully expect you all to share in comments. What food(s) are you ashamed to buy but love to eat?

The Human Tribe and some other stuff

Wonder and I had a giggly, manic phone conversation till the wee hours last night. Some highlights include:

The use of the southern y’all versus you guys. I don’t like y’all, but I like the gender specific you guys even less. I have decided to use “you peeps” instead. It is gender neutral and has the added bonus conjuring up images of fluffy marshmallow chicks.

Our family has a very distinct way of speaking. I wasn’t raised around my cousins and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started seeing them on what could be considered a regular basis. When I took my first 2 week long Christmas vacation to the family compound, I was weirded out by all these women who have the same squeaky voice as me, who use the same inflections as me, the same weird phrases as me. We say “I suppose” and “exxXactly” way too much.

Wonder and I were also talking about how people everywhere are racist. I think it’s the tribal thing- we all want to categorize who belongs and who doesn’t.

So from that thought- this morning I decided that if we really want to end global warming – we need to dress it up as a two headed alien with acid green skin. That way we can look at all the other humans and say “We are way more like each other than we are like the green monster” and get over ourselves.

Wanna make someone act like an asshole, tell them it’s their job

There is a story going around the internets about a 22 year old woman who was gangraped by fellow KBR/Halliburton employees in Iraq. She was then thrown into a shipping container, refused medical treatment and told not to tell anyone. She only escaped because a sympathetic guard let her use his cell phone to call her dad.

Amanda wonders why the guard didn’t do more. I don’t. I know that it takes a very special type of psychology to be a “helper” in these cases where MOST people who are told they have a job to do would follow orders, even if those orders are morally repugnant. Study after study has shown that people who are doing a job will commit heinous act, the most notables being the Milgram experiment and the Stanford Prison Experiment, if it is part of their job. In the Stanford experiment only one person out of over 50 objected to the way the prisoners were being treated.

There are some specific traits to “helper” types, while there are no outstanding traits to those who would inflict pain. Helpers generally have a parent who was highly ethical and held them to high ethical expectations, they usually come from some kind of marginalized group like a religious minority and they have an adventurous spirit.

For everybody else, doing a job that you have been told to do is more important than how you feel about the job. There is a responsibility trade off. The actors give up moral responsibility, they are just doing what they are told, and take on the physical responsibility of the actual work of inflicting pain. When you give people in a group this kind of work, they are even less likely to question it than if you give it to an individual.

So while we may be horrified (I certainly am) at the behavior of the KRB men who raped this woman and their fellow employees who prevented her from getting help, it is not surprising. MOST of us would behave the same way in the same circumstances. And that is probably the saddest statement on the state of humanity that there is.

News from the home front

I have been under some major stress. About a week ago I got a legal notice from my landlord that they are trying to evict me. This same landlord has recently raised my rent without giving the required 60 days notice, (actually she gave it to me after the effective date of the rent increase with a note that said I owed x amount in back rent plus late fees) and I have been without cabinet doors in my kitchen or heat in my bedroom (okay, there is a heater but it’s a fire hazard and not usable) for going on two years now.

Yep- I haven’t paid my rent since October. Granted, I have no idea what my actual rent amount is since she raised it and despite being pretty damn patient I am not in the mood to spend another winter sleeping in the living room, effectively turning my two bedroom apartment into a one bedroom because it’s too damn cold to sleep upstairs.

So I sent my little non-legalese response to her attorney. I don’t know how this is going to turn out. Kid and I may end up homeless for Christmas. But just having sent in the response I feel better.

Wish me luck- I think it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

They really don’t pay me enough

So student I have never met before comes into the lab on the second to last day of the quarter to finish a project. He asks for help on the computer. No problem, that’s my job.

Then- problem.
“Can you show me how to multiply these numbers?”
I go over, take a look, happy to help until I see that he is trying to do a spreadsheet in a drawing program. “No, you can’t multiply in a drawing program, here’s the calculator”.

Five minutes later…

“Uhm, is there a better calculator?”

“Why?”

“This won’t do percents, there’s no percent sign”.

Dear gawd- I am here to teach computers. I am not here to teach eight grade math. But I do.

“A percent is a part of a whole. There is never a percent sign on a calculator. You can multiply it by .15 to get 15 percent and then add that to the original number or you can multiply it by 1.15 and skip the adding part”.

Lotto Shopping

Kid and I play the “If we won the lotto” game, a lot (when you have nothing, everything is a big dream- go with it).

So today we were playing the where would we travel game

Christmas in florida with the fam and a real trip to disneyworld

A visit to some silly girl in Hawaii that keeps stalking me on the internet in February

School trip (over 3000 per person) to Spain and France in march

Nate’s (the Kid) regular Atlanta trip in July while Mommy goes and drinks wine in Hungary

Japan in August

Mexico to see Mayan ruins and for dias de los muertos in November

Then- cause I’m all inclusive and shit, I got Brandann involved (being that she is the crazy stalker in Hawaii- if I am planning an imaginary trip to visit her i should include her)

So here are a few more destinations:

Taiwan
India
Cuba

Any other suggestions? I’d like to see the Hermitage in Russia, and London, and Rome is my favorite city ever.