This was the year that I finally laid to rest the idea of both of my parents.

Oh they are both still alive. But I feel like an orphan. I have for some time. My parents are the poster children for abuse and neglect. They could be Jungian archetypes for the bad parents in fairy tales.

About 5 years ago I finally gave up on my mother. She is mentally ill and abusive, but refuses to be treated for the illness. Refuses to even acknowledge it’s existence, despite the hospitalizations. When she started treating my son with the same manipulative crazy talk that she had used on me my entire life, I cut her off. Sometimes it is much easier to do necessary things for the safety of our children than it is to do it for the safety of ourselves.

With my father it’s a different story. He is the original MRA type, if he doesn’t get ownership of the wife and kids, then he wants nothing to do with them. When I went to live with foster parents in high school, he was called. He was asked to help. His response was that we were not part of his family.

A few years ago, I needed some information from my dad in order to get my passport. I hadn’t spoken with him since the lovely conversation above, 14 years I think. With my hands shaking and a giant ball of lead in my stomach, I called him. I stuttered through the phone call. He was all sweet and charming. “I knew this day would come, I’ve been hoping for it” he said. He made me promise to email him pictures of the Kid and me. He seemed genuinely happy and excited that I called.

So I sent him emails. I sent him a postcard I bought in Rome to thank him for helping me get my passport. The postcard was returned. The emails were never answered. I wondered if I had gotten the email address wrong (I did for one or two actually) and maybe I just had the wrong mailing address.

This year, I decided I was finally going to have definitive proof. I was going to know if he was inept or a complete asshole. I found a program that provided return receipts for emails, just like when you send regular mail. It will tell you if an email has been read, the location it was read at, how many times it was read, etc. A pretty handy program actually (who says girls don’t like technology?) I needed to know if he was reading anything from me at all.

And I sent him a nice letter. No blame, no guilt, just sweetness and light the whole way through.

And he read it. He read it half a dozen times at least. So I waited for a response. And waited. And waited. After a few weeks, I decided that it was time to give up on the fantasy that I ever had one decent parent. And so I sent him another email. But in this one I balled up all the anger and pain his years of neglect had caused and gave them back to him.

I told him what my life was really like as a child. How the crushing poverty he left us in by his refusal to pay child support made mom do things and put me in situations that were far from safe. I told him that she had spent nearly 30 years taking out her anger at him on me. I told him that he was not allowed to live with the fantasy that his leaving us made us better off. He had to know what damage he had caused. I told him that I could understand his leaving mom (she’s batshit crazy after all) but that as a parent I would never leave my child in the hands of someone so toxic, and I couldn’t forgive him for that. I told him that I was sending him back all of the pain he had caused, and that I hoped it would rot in his gut like a cancer.

I was not nice. But I was honest. And I kinda like my orphan status. It let’s me shrug off the sins of my parents and be who I really am instead of the sum of damages they caused. It’s incredibly liberating.

I was reading something about hero myths not long ago. About how the hero is usually an orphan sent out on a quest to make them worthy of finding their real parents. But that is not how it works in real life. In real life, after those talk show type reunions where missing parents behave themselves for the camera, the problems remain after the camera goes away. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s fear. I don’t know why actually. And being a mother makes it even harder for me to understand. But I know there are many many many of us who have horrible parents. Not just annoying, but damaging, parents. And we survive. Sometimes we even thrive.

So if you are another orphan- have a big drink with me and celebrate that. The simple fact that we live is something.

These shoes are so me. Want.

Also go check out GeekLove’s blog. It’s chock full of win.

Why can’t haloscan work like gmail?

Emails from nutbags and trolls get automatically marked with the crazy label and filtered in gmail so I never have to look at them, but they are saved for posterity should law enforcement ever need them.

Why can’t haloscan do the same thing?

Three Awesome Dances From Last Night (I tell you I win more converts to the show with youtube videos)

First- Katie and Joshua. I was all prepared not to like Katie for her bout of whininess last week, but this dance got me all teary eyed.

Kherington and Twitch (who is the hottest thing on legs when he puts n his glasses)

Comfort and Chris- he still is a tree, but she is just sooooo awesome

Via That One Albino Chick (Toac) comes my new favorite thing.

Green Porno.

It’s got Isabella Rosselini dressed up as various different insects like bees and fireflies and snails having sex.

And She is wickedly delightful when playing the male insect roles.

Awesome. the best way you could possibly waste time on the internet.

When you opened up the can of misogyny worms and forced them down Hillary’s throat, that no one would do the same to you and your candidate?

Did you have the false sense of security that your flavor of misogyny was special and good and right when hurled at Hillary and her supporters? Are you feeling peeved now that the misogyny is being hurled at Michelle Obama instead?

Perhaps you were uncomfortable with the misogyny directed at us. But you support Obama. You certainly weren’t going to say anything against your own candidate. On that justification, should we be helping you out now?

Did you think that by using race baiting against Clinton, you weren’t going to open up all sorts of justification for throwing real racism at your candidate. Make believe threats of assassination pale in comparison to the real ones. We know about real threats. We watched countless heroes of the left threaten to take the bitch in a room and not let her come out again. No one screamed about assassination threats when that happened over and over and over again.

But we are better than you. We always have been. We don’t have a problem calling out real racism when it shows it’s ugly face in the form of a monkey sock puppet. We may not like the sexism that comes out of Michelle Obama’s own mouth, but we will certainly call out people for throwing all that leftover misogyny at her now that the favorite punching bag has suspended her campaign.

We will even call you out when you post ugly pictures of Michelle and a noose.

But we are better than you. We always have been.

Just fucking stop.

I know that you are eager to write Clinton off completely so your conscience can feel better about supporting Obama. I can understand that. It is natural, and if nothing else it shows that there is still some integrity left to you.

But making stuff up is not cool, and you should seriously consider not doing it.

Hillary did not concede. There is no part in her speech that says so, and there is more tahn enough evidence that she is keeping her delegates. Thus, your hurry to write her off is not only a blatant lie, it is also very intellectually dishonest, and the smell of wishful thinking can be felt from my side of the pond.

You can choose to believe that Hillary is happy about the turn of events, and that she wil wholeheartedly support Obama from now on. Unfortunately, those of us with, you know, brains and an allergy to koolaid, might choose to think otherwise.

I am sure that Hillary would have done that, should Obama have won the primaries fair and square. He didn’t. Votes who were not cast for him were given to him, the DNC broke its own rules to broker this shit in a closed door meeting, and delegates he hadn’t earned were also given to him.

Since that didn’t happen, I seriously have issues believing that she would bow gracefully to those who not only stole HER nomination, but compromised the party, shit all over democracy and are heading towards a catastrophic failure in the fall.

This is a truce and nothing more. Obama does not have the pledged delegates to win the nomination as of now, and the Sds are worth nothing until Denver.

Yes, it does make sense that Hillary would suspend her campaign, because she did go into a serious amount of debt while keeping on. YOU were one of the people who encouraged her to keep going at all costs, remember?

But a truce is not the end of a war, and this is a war. Obama is having problems against MCCain now, and one can only imagine what the situation will be in August. The Republican attack machine is good, and this time they won’t even have to lie about him, the truth is damning enough.

Until Denver, the Democrats do not have a legal nominee. It’s that simple. Much as you would like to remove that bit of truth, it is still there.

Mind you, I can understand why you are acting as such. Few people like to be seen on the loser side. It is probably even harder for you, since you have a career to think of. I can understand that. Most collaborationists have that sort of a reason.

I refuse to believe that senator Clinton would put the party above the interests of the people she defended all her life. If she did, that would make me lose all respect for her. It doesn’t work that way.

So, seriously, shut the fuck up.

I have to post this troll comment cause it is just too fucking funny to ignore.

From Lance (I’m not a misogynist despite my porntastic name) Thruster comes this gem:

You sound like a serial killer who preys on women because ONE dumped him. Your bigotry knows no bounds. Nothing like damning everyone for the sins of a few. ~

I don’t know what that means exactly. But I am rarely mistaken for a dude, and this is the first time I have ever been called a serial killer. Cereal killer I might understand, I can certainly throw down with the frosted flakes.