Public service anouncement:just because you don’t call yourself a hypocrite doesn’t mean that you aren’t one

Let me make this clear: I have no problem with anyone supporting Obama because of his policies. If what Obama says make sense to you, if you really believe that what he says and what he does work together, if universal health insurance that leaves millions of people out works for you, if corporate pandering is your thing, then go on with your bad self and vote for Obama, make a shrine of him in your house and tatoo his name across your forehead if you so desire, you have my blessing. I have no problem with anyone who is voting for Obama because they are aware of his policies and agree with them, down to supporting FISA and chipping away at reproductive rights.

However, if you are and/or consider yourself a progressive, then we are talking about a completely different standard. Do you know why? Because you are supposed to know better.
If you’re an Obama supporter and write a plaintive post about FISA legislation passing and the loss of privacy rights that this brings, and forget to mention that YOUR OWN FUCKING CANDIDATE voted for it after blabbering for months about what a bad things it is?
Then you, my friend, are a hypocrite, and need to go check your eyesight.

If you still support Obama after this, then you have forfeited the right to call yourself a progressive. You are supporting the guy who gave away your right to privacy. If you still support him, then you approve of his actions. Therefore, you are not a progressive.

If you are a feminist who knows what mysoginy is like and can call it out on anyone, yet you seem to turn a blind eye to Obama’s misogyny? Congratulations, you are not a feminist. By not calling him on it you have become an accomplice to said misogyny.
Call yourself whatever you desire, but you are not a feminist. You can be an Obamacan, a DemoRat, whatever you desire. But feminist you ain’t.

If you seriously think you can be a progressive and/or feminist and STILL support Obama, this is where cognitive dissonance comes into play.
What is cognitive dissonance? It’s the gymnastics our brain does when it has to reconcile our proffered principles with our actions. Basically it pretends to not acknowledge some things in order to not feel like a hypocrite.
Of course, just because you don’t WANT to call yourself a hypocrite doesn’t mean that you aren’t one. It just means you are not being honest with yourself.

If the same actions would have been committed by someone else, and you would have called them on it, or have called people on them in the past, but you refuse to do it now because it’s Barack Obama… then you are a hypocrite and an accomplice to his deeds.

This has been a public service anouncement.

Romance my ass

The more I see this western society obsession with rrrromance, the more I believe that this oh so acclaimed thing is just another way for Patriarchy to opress women. Think about it.

Who is being told that not being part of a relationship means that you are uncomplete or just not good enough?
Not men.

Who is being told that rrrrrromance is supposed to be the ultimate goal of one’s life?
Not men.

Who is being told that rrromance is more important than one’s career, future, passions, ideas?
Not men.

It is a cultural venom so insidiously poured into all nonpenised creatures since birth. We are being raised on the ideal that being liked by others is the most important thing we should aspire to. Prince Charming gets to have all those adventures and kill all those monsters and gain the kingdom, whithe the poor princesses have just to sit in a fuckign tower and await for someone to ahve some use for them. They don’t exist per se, have no individuality, no ideals, no fucking life. They are prizes to be won, and THIS is how everylittle girl is raised.

We HAVE to be nice. We HAVE to be liked, lest we are nothing. We cannot allow individuality, personhood, ambition, get in the way of that ultimate purpose of the female existence, to be liked, to “live happily ever after ” with some guy we were never asked if we care about.

Has anyone ever bothered to notice that the prince kissing the sleeping/dead Snow White is in fact comitting sexual assault? Of course they haven’t.

Has anyone bothered to notice that the alleged Father of the Ghost on a Stick Joshua ben Josef, aka Yahweh, aka God aka Big Fairy Daddy from the sky raped Mary, since he never asked for her consent ?

Yeah, you can sometimes find love and enough mutual respect and compatibility and affection to make a relationship worth having, andyou can even call it love if you so desire. But it is only women that should give up everything for it. It’s only women whose relationship status ( or presence of ownership by an actual person as in penis wearer) has to be advertised publicly. It is women who are expected to abandon their name and individuality in order to become someone’s unpaid slave and progeny bearer.

But you know what? There will never be any fucking equality or even pretense of it until society stops telling girls that rrromance is the purpose of their lives.

You know? I grew up in Communist Romania. From many point of view it sucked VERY bad. Abortion was illegal being one of them. But you know what?

Every fucking little girl out there was told that she could be whatever the fuck she wanted to be. I grew up seeing women on TV being whatever they desired. Engineers, doctors, crane operators, officers, scientists, steel mill workers.

Each and every little girl anywhere needs to be told that. She needs to be told that it’s OK to defend herself without blocking herself when raising a fist against a penis wearer who attacked her. That actually happened to me. Some guy attacked me on the street and tried to fondle my breasts. I punched him. But for one fraction fo secind before hitting him, I froze. Hittign a man was against everything a woman was supposed to be. It was wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

End rant. And if you don’t like my language you can go fuck yourself.

Oh Holy Shit!

Continuing in my movies you should watch (but not before bed) theme.

Teeth.

Seriously. OMFG. I’m not a big fan of gore, but this movie is totally worth it even if you have to watch a bunch of the scenes with your hands over your eyes while you peak out of your fingers.

Go Galavanting!

You all may have noticed the new add in the corner for Galavanting magazine.

Guess who is responsible for this awesome little gem of travely goodness?

Kim from Religiarchy!

I love to travel. I even usually like airplanes (shocking, I know). I read RickSteves.com like some people read Perez Hilton. It’s a happy little sickness I have.

So having a much more hip and savvy mag for us adventurous girls makes my little heart go pitter patter. And who knows, maybe Kim will even let me tell my story about being cursed by a Mayan woman in the jungles of Mexico.

So click on the ad link and give them some love. (I am paid for the ad, but not for the clicks and even if I wasn’t paid I’d be gushing like a school girl).

RQ Cooks- Tortilla Soup

Yes- I am fully aware that it is summer and soup is not so much a summer thing. I am also aware of the big salmonella scare over most of the veggies I use in this recipe. No I don’t care.

Start with a good, strong chicken stock. I make my own fortified stock using a boxed stock as a starter and a whole chicken carcass (really easy if you had one of those roasted deli chickens the night before)

Is there anything we can wear that won’t elicit some kind of sexist comment?

I was musing on this after reading about this creepy dude who thinks it’s totally cool to snap pics up a woman’s dress on a bus and then post them online.

It was the “If she didn’t want anyone looking she shouldn’t have worn a skirt” comments that got me started. But what about women who don’t wear skirts? Wasn’t there endless fascination with Hillary’s pantsuits?

I was once sitting at a bus stop on a Sunday morning. I was heading off to pick up the kid from a sleepover. I am not a morning person so I was doing my best soccer mom impersonation- yoga pants, a baggy sweatshirt, hair in pony tail and no make-up. For who knows what reason, this totally slutty get up made some old dude in a beater think I was a prostitute. I didn’t realize that the MILF fetish had gone so far as to now include streetwalkers, but who knows?

So what can we wear that will let us be left alone? The head scarves and long skirts that the Muslim women in my neighborhood wear don’t work. They still get harassed. The super modest dress of the FDLS women doesn’t work. They still end up as someone’s 3rd child bride/rape victim/ domestic slave. Women in Saudi Arabia who cover everything get chased by desperate men in cars.

Maybe, just maybe, what we wear doesn’t matter. Maybe harassment of women has nothing to do with whether or not we invite it by our style of clothing. Maybe there is something else going on here, like perhaps the patriarchal ideal that all women in public spaces are public property.

We will know that we are safe when a woman could be the Naked Cowgirl of New York and not worry about being raped and when using the subway doesn’t require nerves of steel and the willingness to have some dude rub his crotch on you. Until then, it doesn’t matter what we wear. It’s not about that.

A great big sloppy kissed thank you

For two recent donations that are saving my ass. I don’t know if you all want to be publicly outed for your generosity, so I’m thanking you both here.

Some of you may know that I go from June to October with no income. Normally I can scrape by with cleaning jobs or temp gigs, but this year it’s not working. Those donations have been my only incoming cash. Sad but true.

So they mean a lot to me and to my kid. Thank you.

Satire- you’re doing it wrong.

The New Yorker missed the satire boat and ended up with one of the most repulsive covers ever.

Now here’s how satire works. It’s supposed to piss off the wrong people for being called out on their stupidity and make everyone else laugh with it’s ridiculousness .

Swift got it in his “A Modest Proposal”. The idea of selling Irish babies as dinner meat to the wealthy was not a proposal that anyone would take seriously, but it did highlight the decadent ignorance of the wealthy.

The New Yorker just managed to reinforce negative stereotypes already in place.

Not funny. Not satire. Not working.

But I do have to give them the same credit that Violet Socks does. At least for those people industrious enough to read the article inside, the New Yorker goes about debunking the Obama is a radical myth.

President Wankstain speaks

Do we even care at this point? There are MASSIVE bank failures, 5 this year with 150 more banks on the verge, and the Fuckstick in charge won’t admit that there is a recession.

So I am going to sum up an hour long press conference for you right here.

The economy is growing. Banks are safe. Tax rebates haven’t had a chance to work yet. Congress is mean. Wah wah wah. Won’t let me drill in Anwar or build more refineries.
Terrorism. Terrorism. Terrorism. Ignore the increase in violence in Afghanistan. Al Queda. Blah blah blah

I watch these things so you don’t have to.

Jackson or McLaughlin- the problem of Framing

Jesse Jackson said Obama was talking down to black people. That is a perfectly legitimate statement made without racist framing.

McLaughlin said that Obama

“fits the stereotype blacks once labeled as an Oreo — a black on the outside, a white on the inside.”

“Does it frost Jackson, Jesse Jackson, that…an Oreo should be the beneficiary of the long civil rights struggle which Jesse Jackson spent his lifetime fighting for?” McLaughlin asked his panelists.

That is using racist framing.

In the currently super charged political atmosphere, framing matters. And the only way we will ever be able to have much needed conversations about racism and sexism and classism and all the other isms, is if we throw out the framing that makes all those isms exist. Which means we need to get real good at spotting framing real fast.

First, a quick primer on what framing is. We all learned sentence structure in elementary school. We know that words have to go in a certain structure in order to make sense. “See the dog run” makes sense. “Run the dog see” does not. Framing is the structure we use to prove arguments as true. But unlike sentences, an idea should remain true across different frames. If it doesn’t then it is not a truth. For example, the argument used by forced pregnancy nuts about when life starts. According to them, as soon as a life is created it is sacred and should not be destroyed. If that idea were true, then people should be forced into organ donation. If it is okay to require one set of people to act as life support systems for other people because all life is sacred and should not be destroyed, then is should be okay to force all people to be life support systems for other people. That argument does not work across all frames, therefore it is not a good argument.

So why is McLaughlin using racist framing while Jackson was not. You might be tempted to say that it’s because Jackson is black, but we women know that membership in the vagina club doesn’t make you a feminist (Phylis Schaffly). Jackson is black, but that isn’t it.

Jackson’s comments did not require a racist framework to be true. Jackson could have been a white women (like both Redstar and I who had loads to say about Obama’s condescending Father’s Day speech) and his comment would still be true. And Obama could be a white man being just as condescending, and Jackson’s statement would be true.

McLaughlin’s statement, on the other hand, is only true if you buy into racial stereotypes and believe that one race is better than another. If you buy into McLaughlin’s Oreo trope and are black, for instance, then you believe that all black people should act a certain way and that Obama isn’t really black because he is educated and affluent. And that he isn’t “black enough” is a legitimate argument against him. You would have to believe that all black people are uneducated hoodlums from the ghetto who spend their days drinking 40s and playing dice on street corners and that any blacks who behave differently are trying to be white.

If you are white and you are buying into the Oreo argument, then you are just acting like Obama is a house negro. He’s passable enough that you can have him around you, unlike those other ones with all their strange ways. If you remove McLaughlin’s racist framing, there is nothing left to his statement.

But those of us who don’t by into racist stereotyping and framework, we know behaviors of all people, regardless of race (or gender or class or ability or ….), span then breadth of human experience. And one person’s experience isn’t actually more legit than another’s. Jackson didn’t frame his statement to disparage Obama’s experience. He didn’t try to negate Obama’s own identity with his comment. He simply pointed out that Obama is treating a section of people poorly.

If you cannot make an argument without using racist (or sexist or heteronormative or ablist) framing, then your argument won’t stand. Even if you think there is a kernel of truth in that argument.

I can say that Obama doesn’t get the struggles of the majority of the black community. I can say that without being black. Without being racist. I can say that because I can see the framing that he is using in his speeches. I can see the negative stereotypes he uses of lazy absentee fathers, without acknowledging that less than 40% of African American males are both free from jail and employed, making only a very small portion of black men lifetime partner material. I can see that those problems are ones of institutional racism and NOT the massive moral failings of a huge group of people. I can see in the way he talks about the self sacrificing single moms out there (especially since I am one) that he doesn’t get it. He sets up the good people against the bad people (hard working moms against lazy dads). Using that kind of framing doesn’t actually fix any problems. But looking at it without using stereotypes, we can say that we need more education, more jobs, more opportunity and fewer prisons. Those things would help everyone without setting up a competitive, hate-filled dynamic.

Framing matters. And it is one of the easiest things to change. When someone is making an argument, you need to look closely at the structures they use. Are they using stereotypes to support those arguments? Are they using commonly held beliefs (like there is such a thing as an Oreo) instead of actual facts? If you took away the stereotyping and the belief system, would the argument still hold? If you put the idea into a different frame, would it be true?

Let’s look at the Oreo example. Is it possible to be black on the outside but white on the inside? Does behaving in a certain way eliminate your membership in a certain oppressed group, or does it just change your personal experience? Does that argument hold up for other oppressed groups.

Imagine a tomboy. A girl who has never been into dresses or dolls or makeup. Does that make her not female? Would we push her out of the feminist camp because her experiences are different from the stereotype ideal we have of pretty pink girls? Nope. (Reason number 87907 that feminism is a good thing, it acknowledges that the female experience is vast and varied). Would we say ” well you act like a boy so you cannot know what sexism feels like”. Nope. She still gets to be female.

So no matter how Obama acts, he still gets to be a black man. His experience as one may be different from the majority. And that IS a legitimate argument, that he doesn’t have a solid understanding of poor black culture because he hasn’t lived it. But you cannot eliminate his blackness because it doesn’t conform to the stereotype.

Words mean things and framing is the basis for how we understand words. Legitimate framing makes arguments that are true regardless of the framework used. This has been one of my biggest problems with Obama to begin with, his use of Republican (and sexist and classist and abelist)framing. But that doesn’t mean that people who use those kinds of frames against Obama are right.